Transcript of McCain on "Saturday Night Live"

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE SEN. JOHN MCCAIN RETURNS TO “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE” TONIGHT

Presidential Hopeful Joins Host Steve Carell and Musical Guest Usher
on SNL's 33rd Season Finale

McCain Blasts Pork-Barrel Spending, Hails Himself as Having the “oldness necessary” to be President, and Offers Advice To Democrats, Saying Hillary Clinton

Should “Absolutely Not” Drop Out of Race

NEW YORK, May 18, 2008 – Presumptive Republican Presidential nominee Senator John McCain put in an appearance on tonight's "Saturday Night Live," rounding out the Presidential candidates appearances on the 2007-08 SNL season (Sen. Obama appeared on the program in November 2007, Sen. Clinton on March 1, 2008).

This is Senator McCain's second appearance on "SNL" having hosted the show in October 2003.

McCain made two comedic appearances – first an address to the American people as well as an appearance on the show's signature "Weekend Update" segment.

In his "address to the nation," McCain explained why he is the best candidate for the Oval Office.

McCain began, "This November, I ask you what should we be looking for in our next President? Certainly, someone who is very, very, very old. But just as important, we will need a leader of courage and principle. Someone who's willing to do what is best for this country, even when doing so is unpopular."

McCain then criticized "runaway government spending" and listed numerous wasteful "pork-barrel" projects he voted down in his long career in government.

Such as:
· "$15 million to the U.S. Postal Service for a commemorative stamp honoring Tom Delay's Appellate lawyers."
· "$160 million to the Department of Defense for developing a device to jam 'Gaydar,'" adding, "I don't know if this is anti-gay or pro-gay, or if such a device would even work. But I do know this: jamming gaydar is not a federal responsibility. That's something best left to state and local government."

McCain went on to focus on his own record, "I have not once sought to bring pork-barrel spending back to my state," adding, "Not even highway funds. When I entered the Senate in 1987, Arizona had forty-seven thousand miles of paved roadway. Today, it's less than nine hundred."

"I've also opposed federal water projects, even when they benefited my state. That's why, thanks to me, fifteen percent of Arizona citizens must get their drinking water from cactus."

"In 25 years, I haven't even brought a post office to my state. And I'm proud of the fact that, because of my work, when residents of Flagstaff want to mail a letter, or pick up a package, they have to drive to New Mexico."

McCain concluded, "Controlling government spending isn't about Republicans or Democrats. It's about being able to look your children in the eye -- or in my case, my children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great grandchildren and great-great-great-grandchildren, the youngest of whom are nearing retirement -- and tell them, we have left you the same thing we were left: a future free from debt. As your President, I will guarantee it. I have the courage, the wisdom, the experience and most importantly the oldness necessary. The oldness it takes to protect America, to honor her, love her and tell her about what cute things the cat did."

Later in the show, McCain offered advice to his Democratic rivals on "Weekend Update" with Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler:

SEN. McCAIN: "I would like to begin tonight, by thanking Republican voters. We are gearing up for one of the most pivotal elections in this nation's history and I am honored to be part of it. But I also want to speak to Democrats. I know we don't see eye-to-eye on every issue but I also believe we respect one another. That's why I want to give you this piece of advice. Democrats, I have to urge you, do not, under any circumstances, pick a candidate too soon.

MEYERS: "So you don't think Hillary should drop out?"
SEN. McCAIN: "Absolutely not."
POEHLER: "I told you.
MEYERS: "Cool it."
POEHLER: "You cool it."
SEN. McCAIN: (to himself) "That's right. Fight amongst yourselves."
MEYERS: "What did you say?"
SEN. McCAIN: "Nothing. But what I want to say to the Democrats is this:
You have two incredibly talented candidates, why not take every possible second to weigh each of their pros and cons? For all you know, there are a bunch of cons you don't even know about yet. Cons that won't reveal themselves should you choose a candidate too early."

MEYERS: "But of course, the convention is in late August so I guess that would be the deadline.
SEN. McCAIN: "What's the rush, Seth? I'd urge Democrats not to get caught up in the idea that the candidate has to be decided by the time the convention ends. I've been to a lot of conventions and they are a lot of fun. But when they end, there is always that empty feeling of, 'Oh well, we've picked a nominee. I guess the party's over.' Imagine the excitement of leaving the convention and still not knowing who the nominee was? That would be crazy. Crazy exciting. And if, come November, you still haven't decided, I'd be willing to set aside my differences with your party and say 'Hey, lets put both of them on the ballot.' I will support you on that. It's the least I can do. In conclusion, I want to add that I also thought John Edwards had a lot of good ideas and you might want to kick the tires on him one more time. Thank you and God bless America."

"Saturday Night Live's" 33rd Season Finale also featured a wide variety of sketches featuring "Office" star Steve Carell and two performances by the pop sensation Usher.